I’d love to think that maybe other people are being convinced by what I write, but I have the feeling that I’m preaching to the choir.
That being said, my feelings about Fifty Shades of Grey have been, once again, validated. This time, a woman who was interviewed on talk show “This Morning” spoke about her own Fifty Shades style relationship – and they weren’t fond memories.
According to the UK Daily Mail , the mother of two recalled her relationship with someone who was charismatic, charming, and worldly-seeming… and was also abusive and controlling.
Here’s a quote from the article:
Speaking to Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford, she said: ‘We started seeing one another more but I was very concerned that he wasn’t very affectionate, he was aloof and didn’t seem to be very warm.
‘I don’t know why, because he was very charming, there was an air of arrogance and he was very clever with words. He talked me round.’
E.L. James’s novel has become a best-seller but many worry that men are taking advantage of the sex it portrays
When Sarah questioned why he wasn’t very tactile, he explained that he had experienced a troubled childhood and asked Sarah to be more patient with him.
‘He initially asked me if I had ever been tied up and I said I had never done anything like that.
‘It was very gentle to start with, trying new things, it was exciting. It wasn’t at all abusive but things gradually progressed and became more and more frightening.’
Sarah was left feeling as though she had led a very naive life and not indulged in what other people did, or so Tim made her believe.
Dr Jo Helens, a behavioural psychologist said: ‘Because he was so charming, he lulled Sarah into this sense of “it’s fun, it’s role play”
‘But this man is an abuser, he made Sarah a victim by talking all of the control and making her feel rather foolish.’
Sarah added: ‘At first I felt safe but then he asked me to write a contract stipulating what I had to do.
‘It was a game, I didn’t take it seriously, he made it theatrical.
‘But then the games were becoming very extreme and painful and I was afraid.’
Following on from their intimate adventures, Sarah was left in pain for weeks with serious injuries.
Romance novels, erotic novels, they’re fiction. In that genre, people don’t get STDs. They don’t end up getting hospitalized or killed by an abusive partner. Because it’s a beautiful fantasy (well, sometimes), but it’s a fantasy. There’s a reason it’s called fiction, people. Take some ideas from it, fine. Imagine it, okay. But entering into a relationship and expecting it to work out like a storybook… is not going to give you a happy ending.